Comparisons and Analogies

I was wondering about the stages of old age.  That seems a bit depressing.  Instead, here is something called 3 stupid stages of life: Teen age: Have Time + Energy ... but No Money Working age: Have Money + Energy ... but No Time Old age: Have Time + Money ... but No Energy Here's a funny one by Theodore Roosevelt: Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young  Are there other funny comparisons like this?  I found The 25 Funniest Analogies - winning entries in a 1999 Washington Post humour contest.  Here's the blog to see them all - by Judy Rose on Writing English.  Here are a few: His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. Today's images of hearts are based on abstract images that have been interpreted in Flaming Pear's various filters.