We're at Monk's Chocolates at the ice cream counter when a child under four asks for strawberry and they are immediately interrupted from further conversation with - "say please."
What does it show? Not politeness at all. It shows a parent dominating their child in public. They may think they are training their child for the future. I didn't train Millie to sit in public with another person as a bystander. I suggest the same for parents: Teach behaviour in private.
But then I suggest something else - it turns out that please isn't particularlyuseful as a way of being polite anymore. A study found that people use "please'" as a focused tool when they expect a "no" response is forthcoming.
Why would "Please" lose its politeness status? I suggest it is because we live in social times where people are expected to be treated fairly and equally. There isn't a requirement to be subservient. That was the past.
Wikipedia's entry of please demonstrates this:
"A 1902 newspaper article suggested that use of "please" in England was, at that time, limited to servants, and that children who used it would find that it "stamped them as underbred", leading to the conclusion that "please" would fall out of use elsewhere."
The current study I found echoes this:
"Out of more than a thousand distinct "request attempts" observed in the video-recorded interactions, "please" was used only 69 times, or 7% of the time, mostly when there was a foreseen obstacle to overcome, and not due to perceived subordination, need for deference, difference in gender or the relative size of a request."
We know today that please is a symbol of politeness. And we know that politeness involves treating others with kindness, consideration and respect. There are many more subtle ways to ask for something politely.
Here's the perfect example - stern warning preceded by "please". What might we write as the subtext? "We're expecting you to try to touch the butterflies - don't even consider it - get away from their blue plate special dinner."
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