June 30 2024 - Polite?

 

We're at Monk's Chocolates at the ice cream counter when a child under four asks for strawberry and they are immediately interrupted from further conversation with - "say please." What does it show? Not politeness at all. It shows a parent dominating their child in public. They may think they are training their child for the future.  I didn't train Millie to sit in public with another person as a bystander.  I suggest the same for parents:   Teach behaviour in private.   But then I suggest something else -  it turns out that please isn't particularlyuseful as a way of being polite anymore.  A study found that people use "please'" as a focused tool when they expect a "no" response is forthcoming.  Why would "Please" lose its politeness status?  I suggest it is because we live in social times where people are expected to be treated fairly and equally.  There isn't a requirement to be subservient. That was the past.  Wikipedia's entry of please demonstrates this: "A 1902 newspaper article suggested that use of "please" in England was, at that time, limited to servants, and that children who used it would find that it "stamped them as underbred", leading to the conclusion that "please" would fall out of use elsewhere." The current study I found echoes this: "Out of more than a thousand distinct "request attempts" observed in the video-recorded interactions, "please" was used only 69 times, or 7% of the time, mostly when there was a foreseen obstacle to overcome, and not due to perceived subordination, need for deference, difference in gender or the relative size of a request." We know today that please is a symbol of politeness.  And we know that politeness involves treating others with kindness, consideration and respect.  There are many more subtle ways to ask for something politely. Here's the perfect example - stern warning preceded by "please".  What might we write as the subtext?  "We're expecting you to try to touch the butterflies - don't even consider it - get away from their blue plate special dinner."

Read more daily posts here: marilyncornwellblogspot.com Purchase works here: Fine Art America- marilyncornwell.com Redbubble - marilyncornwellart.ca

Aug 25 2023 - How to be polite

 

What can we do this weekend to increase the politeness quotient in our neighbourhood, town or city?  What might we do before September to give Fall a good start?   Something simple like politeness? It seems simple - behaviour that is respectful and considerate of other people.  It turns out that I only thought polite was straightforward - say hello and smile at people, don't use rude language in public, take your place in line, let the other driver change lanes in front of you.   But as I checked out the various lists of what comprises polite behaviour, I was surprised.  There were It so many characteristics gathered together that one would be a saint in order to fulfill all the polite behaviours.  Dailymeal.com's  first rule of etiquette is to Always be polite and kind - practice it at all times.  It says: "You can't be courteous, polite, and kind toward some people and not others. It could very easily lead to a reputation of being two-faced, which is the exact opposite of your goal"  Here are a few more: Be on time Learn how to use small talk Listen Use names Learn how to do introductions properly Stop oversharing Think about your humour Quit cursing Avoid gossip Give compliments...and so on It is things like  "stop oversharing" and "avoid gossip" or ", that move beyond politeness.  So then what?  How do we know what politeness is?   Wikipedia has the word on this - it is called politeness theory: "Politeness theory, proposed by Penelope Brown and Stephen C. Levinson, centers on the notion of politeness, construed as efforts on redressing the affronts to a person's self-esteems or effectively claiming positive social values in social interactions. Such self-esteem is referred as the sociological concept of face (as in "save face" or "lose face") to discuss politeness as a response to mitigate or avoid face-threatening acts such as requests or insults."    It is described HERE in Wikipedia.   It explains to me there may no longer be norms for politeness, as we are not longer have homogeneous societies.  So likely these lists are from long ago and dressed up for today.  I'm going to stick with the simple idea of "say hello and smile".  That's it. I found this at a garden club meeting a few years ago.

I think this Flexifly image looks like "the eyes of technology" staring at us.