Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Friday, September 20, 2024

Sep 20 2024 - Looking for jokes

 

Jokes can be classified many ways.  The most common on the internet is by theme or subject area.  And the one that pops up a lot is "Dad Jokes".  That got me wondering whether there is a formal subject classification of jokes.

I checked out Wikipedia as it includes an index of joke types.  The list is less than 80 items long, so I don't think it would be considered comprehensive.  And it seems so specific at times - what make Romanian humour its own topic compared to every other country? 

I liked this one - Monsieur et Madame jokes.  A Monsieur et Madame joke is originally a French type of joke, which takes the form of a riddle. It involves providing the surname of a husband and wife and asking for their child's given name, with the answer forming a pun. For example, Monsier and Madame Mauve are said to have a son called Guy, where his name is a homophone for guimauve ("marshmallow").

And then I was surprised by how unpleasant this type of joke is - Cruel Jokes would be renamed Macabre in my view -

Mommy why is Daddy still sleeping.  
Shut up and keep digging. 

Things seem incomplete and more complicated than I imagined.  Maybe more work is needed. 

So I went to The Onion's article which claims all jokes fall into one of 11 categories:

  1. Irony
  2. Character
  3. Reference
  4. Shock
  5. Parody
  6. Hyperbole
  7. Wordplay
  8. Analogy
  9. Madcap
  10. Meta-humour
  11. Misplaced focus


You can read the example jokes HERE. 
 

 
I took this picture at the Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh.  It was a narrow tall water tank of bubbles rising.  Some sort of interest at the entrance. The effect was achieved with multiple exposures and a slow shutter speed.  
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Tuesday, May 30, 2023

May 30 2-23 - Alberta's Election...

 

Alberta's election results are in and Danielle Smith has won the majority leadership.

This is disheartening news, given the findings that she violated ethic rules by attempted interference with the judiciary, made Nazi and Hitler comparisons in her anti-vaccine rhetoric and then has made the  promise to fight the federal government at all possible turns.  

The victory is an endorsement of her plan to move the province further to the right.  The rest of us see Alberta as already firmly at the right. 

To find the lighter side of things, it turns out that It is hard to find Alberta jokes that are presentable.  Here are the few that worked:

Why is Alberta known as the Texas of Canada?
Because Canadians don't know about Arkansas.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Alberta.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Alberta.

 

It is the start of strawberry season here.

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Friday, May 12, 2023

May 12 2023 - Mother's Day Weekend

 

We're coming up to Mother's Day weekend.  I think of this as the start of spring ending.  Victoria Day for me is the start of summer.  Somehow milestone days signal the season rather than science. 



There are Mother's Jokes that come out for Mother's Day.

Q: Why is a computer so smart? 
A: It listens to its motherboard.

Q: What did the mother rope say to her child?  
A: “Don’t be knotty.”

Q: What did the digital clock say to its mother? 
A: “Look, Ma! No hands!

Q: What do you call a small mother? /
A: A Minimum


But where are the Mother's Day jokes?  

Q: Why was the house so neat on Mother’s Day?
A: Because Mom spent all day Saturday cleaning it

Q: What did the kittens give their mom for Mother’s Day?
A: A subscription to Good Mousekeeping.

What about the Guinness Book of Records.  What do they consider the record mother?  It is the person who gave birth to the most children.  And who is it?  Barbara Stratzmann (c. 1448 – 1503) of Bönnigheim, Germany, gave birth to 53 children (38 sons and 15 daughters) in a total of 29 births by 1498. She had one set of septuplets, one set of sextuplets, four sets of triplets and five sets of twins.

I wasn't really thinking of that as a Mother's Day record.  Wouldn't we really want records about Mother's Day?  There are just a few retrieved - it is hard to retrieve on one's topic these days.  Here are two that are on topic:

On May 11, 2012, Pete Moyer and 72 members of Zion Lutheran Church became the largest group, according to RecordSetter.com, to sing "Happy Mother's Day," a little known and rarely sung holiday ditty.
 

More than 18-thousand sticky notes were left by students and adults around Jordan on Mother’s Day, breaking a Guinness World Record. Thousands of jordanians came together to celebrate the holiday, which falls on March 21st in the arab world.Participants broke a Guinness World Record of the largest sticky notes poster full of messages of love to mothers.The notes were collected on a large poster, which was put on display for the Guinness World Records judge to assess.  That was in 2019.



 

A Mother's Day Card today.

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Thursday, March 2, 2023

Mar 2 2023 - Cats Rule

 

Here is likely 1 reason why cats rule:  They are independent.  There may be many reasons and rules outlined from various sources , but there seems to be consensus that cats have ruled the world for thousands of years. 

You can even get a cats rule the earth tarot 78 card deck and guidebook.  

What else needs to be said?

  1. What do cats like to eat on a hot day? A mice-cream cone!
  2. What’s a cat’s favorite TV show? Claw and Order.
  3. What title does a cat go by in the kitchen? “The Whisker.”
  4. Why do cats always get their way? They are very purr-suasive!
  5. How do two cats end a fight? They hiss and make up!
  6. What did the kitten have at their birthday party? A pounce house.
  7. What color do kittens love the most? Purrple.
  8. What state has a lot of cats and dogs? Petsylvania!
  9. Why did the kitty get an “A” on their English assignment? They properly used an independent claws.
  10. What’s a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
  11. What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain!
  12. What made the cat upgrade his phone? He wanted to finally get pawtrait mode.
  13. Why are kittens actually excellent bosses? They have great littership.
  14. How did the Mom Cat know she was pregnant? Her test was pawsitive.
A happy display of lilies on Brian's patio last year.

 
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Sunday, December 4, 2022

Dec 4 2022 - Looking for a Joke Library

 

There are always lots of jokes on the internet.  And yet there doesn't appear to be a joke museum, joke library, or a physical joke archives.  I found one library collection so far - the Schmulowitz Collection of Wit & Humor (SCOWAH). It was founded in 1947 by library commissioner, lawyer, author, civic leader, and book collector Nat Schmulowitz (1889-1966). 

The collection comprises a wide range of wit and humor spanning more than 450 years and in thirty-nine languages: joke books, international fairy tales and folklore, proverbs, national and ethnic humor, anecdotes, cartoons and comic books, political satire, biography, humorous essays, monologues, plays and novels, popular entertainments, movable books, and literary, historical and popular culture studies.   It is in the San Francisco Public Library.

It got me thinking about how to classify the subject contents - I see categories like "the difference between" jokes.  I like these:

What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?  One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?  One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?  One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

There are so many types.  There are puns, practical jokes, funny observations, question and answer jokes, and so many more.  

Wikipedia says that happenstance rather than design is what has preserved jokes.  The reason?  They do not "belong to refined culture."  I guess that's why  the Library of Congress doesn't seem to have a joke collection, or to put it more refined, a collection on the subject of jokes.  The Library of Congress does have Bob Hope's massive Joke file, - very famous. That's what I found so far. 


My conclusion is that we just can't seem to take jokes seriously.  

Here's the one I found amusing today:  Why do seagulls fly over the sea?  Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
 

Does this picture have a joke sensibility?  Pinterest says there are pictures that are jokes without words.  I'll have to check them out. 

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Thursday, October 20, 2022

Oct 20 2022 -Days of the Week

We are well enough financially to live in comfort, but not well-enough off to live a life of leisure.  That's why we need funny jokes to get us through the week.

What four days of the week start with the letter T?
Answer: Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow.

What occurs twice in a week, once in a year but never in a day?
Answer: The letter E.

Q. Why is Tuesday the unsung hero of the week? 
A. Because it's the furthest from next Monday! 

Q. What do you call a week with no Wednesday? 
A. Humphrey.


Q. Why does Wednesday hate Thursday? 
A. Because it's the only thing blocking Friday!

 

Did you hear about the guy who put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week?
By Friday he could hardly get his shoes on.


Q. How is a weekend just like a rainbow? 
A. You can see them from a distance, but when you get close they begin to disappear.

Q. What do you call somebody who only experiences extreme anxiety on Saturday and Sunday? 
A. A weekend worrier.


Today's picture is a silly Queen Street clothing store display from quite a few years ago.

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Saturday, April 9, 2022

April 9 2022 - Canada and the US

 

Today we take a look at how Canada and the US compare.  There are places where we are similar and others where we are different.  Canadians have a keen sense of comparison whereas Americans hardly notice the country and citizens to the north of them.

There are  many arenas and avenues that this comparison plays out as competition.  Some are formal - such as hockey.  Others make their way into jokes and sayings.

  
Here is an example:

After digging to a depth of 10 feet last year outside Buffalo New York,  scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet just outside Oceanside . Shortly afterward, a story in the LA Times read,  "California archaeologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable, concluding that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
 
One week later, a local newspaper in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan reported, "After digging 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Kindersley, Saskatchewan, Ole Olson, a heck of an engineer and a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Saskatchewan had already gone wireless."
 

This wonderful meadow of blue was taken at Winterthur nearly 10 years ago in April.  Winterthur is the largest naturalistic garden in the US, filled with spring blooms:

"Beginning in March, the first early spring flowers awaken along the March Bank, which dazzles us with three phases of color—white, yellow, and blue. To walk along the March Bank during those still-chilly early spring days feels like a gift, a promise of what’s to come. As March gives way to April, the 500,000 blooming sunny daffodils, purposefully laid in clusters of various cultivars, begin to take over the landscape with their bright yellow and white blooms."


Today is Winterthur's Daffodil Day and Daffodil Dash - a family-friendly parade through the garden.
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Friday, April 1, 2022

April 1st 2022 - Fooled Me

 

I was trying out more of those Flexifly transformations on my photos.  And got a very strange result on one of theme - It made me think of the expression "You could have fooled me - I would never guess these two pictures are related".   The first picture is a triple in-camera exposure of a power chord against the wall which has shadows of the window blinds.  The second is the transformation in Flexifly - it looks like some ancient cave drawing.  This may be a lame version of April Fool's Day.  And maybe that's a good thing this year. 

There are famous April Fool's Day Jokes that have been recorded.  To me the highlight is the spaghetti harvest done by the BBC in 1957 as a news hoax.  Swiss farmers harvested the strands of spaghetti from trees.  The call-ins for how to grow spaghetti got the response:  "Place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best. 

Here are the rest from Readers Digest.

In France: According to Le Parisien, in 1986, the Eiffel Tower was going to be dismantled and rebuilt inside the new Euro Disney park.

In Denmark: In 1965, a Copenhagen newspaper reported that Parliament had passed a law that all dogs be painted white to improve road safety because they could then be seen clearly at night.

In Norway: In 1987, after reading that the government was planning to distribute 10,000 litres of wine confiscated from smugglers, hundreds of citizens turned up carrying empty bottles and buckets.

In China: Claiming that it would reduce the need for foreign experts, the China Youth Daily joked in 1993 that the government had decided to exempt PhDs from the nation’s one-child-per-family policy. After foreign press picked up the hoax, the government condemned April Fools’ Day as a Western tradition.

In Great Britain: In 1980, those serial pranksters at the BBC announced that Big Ben, London’s historic clock tower, would undergo a face-lift and become digital to keep up with the times. Enraged callers flooded the station with complaints.

In Canada: In 2008, WestJet airlines advertised its overhead cabin bins as “among the most spacious of any airline” and said it would charge passengers an extra $12 to use these “sleeper cabins.”

In Taiwan: In 2009, the Taipei Times claimed that “Taiwan-China relations were dealt a severe setback yesterday when it was found that the Taipei Zoo’s pandas are not what they seem.” The paper reported that the pandas, a gift from the Chinese government, were brown forest bears dyed to resemble pandas. Among the complaints sent to the paper was one from the zoo’s director.

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Tuesday, March 15, 2022

Mar 15 2022 - Pi Day Yesterday

 

That was Pi Day yesterday - 3.14.  


Pi has a long celebration for the the chronology of its computation.  The Wikipedia entry  HERE shows its milestones:

Before 1400
1400-1949
1949-2009
2009 - present

The most accurate value of Pi?
A Swiss university has set a new world record for calculating the mathematical constant pi to 62.8 trillion decimal places. To reach this record a supercomputer worked solidly for 108 days and nine hours, according to the team from The University of Applied Sciences in Graubünden. April 2021

The most Pi places memorized?  
It is 70,000 and achieved by Rajveer Meena on March 15 2015.  It took nearly 10 hours.  He was blindfolded.

I can't imagine being named Pi.  It would be an "unending" series of jokes on one's name.  It is a Chinese surname so not quite as bad as a first name.  However, Wikipedia says that Chinese people address each other with surname, first name and middle name, so I guess it would be a probable source of irritation.  I guess that this is part of the reason I find Pi jokes so funny. A name and a mathematical construct.  How many Pi jokes are there?  More than 3.14!

Here are just a few.   

Why should you never start talking to pi at a party?
Because it just goes on forever.

Why is pi so lucky in love?
Because its love is infinite and non-repeating.

What do you call it when someone gets a huge tattoo of pi on their face?
An irrational decision.

Why shouldn’t you eat too much pi?
You’ll end up with a big circumference.

Why did pi fail its driving test?
Because it didn’t know when to stop.


 


A note to self to make sure I grow Sweet Peas this year - they have a wonderful fragrance. 
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Monday, March 14, 2022

Mar 14 2022 - Basking in the Spring Weather

 

Can you see us "basking in the spring weather?"  That's the Weather Network's headline for our weather this week. 

The definition of bask seems quite humorous:

lie exposed to warmth and light, typically from the sun, for relaxation and pleasure.
"sprawled figures basking in the afternoon sun"

I don't think there will be much "sprawling" in Florida today.  The temperatures yesterday varied between a high of 10 degrees down to -3 degrees.  That's not goo for our fruit crops at all.  What a reversal for the Spring break vacationers.  

So if we are to bask in the weather this week, I assume we won't be having rain.  Seattle, on the other hand, has a  lot of weather jokes about rain, so basking wouldn't happen there very often.

Q: What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle?
A: An extra hour of rain

Q: What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle?
A: A weekend

A newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day. He gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. He goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and asks out of despair, "Hey kid, does it ever stop raining around here?" The kid says, "How do I know? I'm only 6."

 

A curious fellow died one day and found himself in limbo waiting in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven. Others were led over to Satan, who threw them into a lake of fire. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss him or her to one side.

After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him. He strolled over and tapped Old Nick on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, there, Your Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, and I couldn't help wondering why you are tossing some people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"

"Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are Seattle-ites. I'm letting them dry out so they'll burn."


 

Trains yesterday, followed by rain today.  This is montage image of the National Gallery in Ottawa overlaid with rain on the car windows. This seems appropriate to Seattle weather.
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Friday, March 4, 2022

Mar 4 2022 - My Dog Hates Cats

 

With spring each year come a few feral cats checking out Baxter.  One has come back from last year, an appears to be a friend of Baxter's.  They sit together on the office window ledge in the morning darkness. I haven't seen that one now for more than a week.  

However today, sitting on the office desk, Millie, our dog went berserk.  She could see a cat outside and she is furious over it.  This is the opposite to her relationship with Baxter, who was sitting next to her.

There is a natural tendency for the relationship between dogs and cats to be antagonistic.  But then you can find countless pictures of cats and dogs curled up in each other's arms having a nap together.  

Here are some common cat sayings:

“Get a look at this cat.” In this example, ‘cat’ refers to a man, typically expressed with disbelief or surprise. 

“She’s such a cat.” Referring to a woman who is gossiping or tends to gossip. 

“She’s a cat on a hot tin roof” A Southern saying that refers to someone who seems nervous. It was popularized following the Pulitzer-Prize winning Tennessee Williams play titled, “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.”

What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” A question often directed humorously toward people who are struck speechless, who are not answering a direct question, or who are not participating in a conversation. 

“The police and perpetrator were playing a cat and mouse game.” Describing a tactical back-and-forth engagement or situation where two parties try to seek and evade each other.

“I’m going to take a cat nap.” Taking a nap can be any level of restful or length of time. A ‘cat nap’ is one that is brief, but restful.

And dog sayings:

“My Dogs are barking.” A saying that refers to tired and aching feet. 

“That experience will dog him forever.” A bad, but memorable event that someone will not be able to get away from, either because they remember it too often, or because the people around that person won’t let him forget it.

“She was dogging them for insulting her earlier.” To criticize someone or something or to give them a hard time. To be negative toward someone. 

“I feel sick as a dog.” This saying is one of the oldest known sayings involving the word, ‘dog.’ It dates back to the 17th century and is used when we want to describe someone who is really sick.


You will find more of these expressions HERE.  And if you want to see the Bored Panda Dog vs Cat cartoons, these are HERE.  This is the top voted cartoon. 

 

Do you remember this picture?  It is the Douglas Coupland dog fountain in Toronto. I think its name is supposed to be Fountain of Youth.

 
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